The holiday season, particularly around Christmas, is often charged with strong emotions.
And our emotional responses to what happens at this time of year are shaped by what I would call emotional programming.
In case you’re not quite sure, this term refers to the deeply rooted beliefs, memories, traditions, and expectations that are instilled in you from childhood, culture, society, and personal experiences.
Depending on the circumstances surrounding it, it’s not uncommon for this kind of emotional programming to cause conflict, especially around the holidays.
Typically, this kind of conflict tends to happen as you struggle to be your authentic self while simultaneously trying to adhere to your programming.
These aspects of yourself may seem completely incompatible, and this is where issues often arise.
However, if you take some time to understand what emotional programming is, and learn about your own programming, then you can avoid this kind of conflict, as you’ll be more comfortable and confident being your authentic self, regardless of who’s around, or what holiday you’re celebrating.
Now, I know not everyone celebrates Christmas, but for the purposes of this article, that’s what I’ll be focusing on.
However, even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, most of this article will apply to you, as long as you celebrate some form of holiday this season.
So, if you want to learn more about this kind of programming, and how to protect your emotional wellness during the holidays, then I hope you take the time to keep reading.
The Foundations of Emotional Programming
Now that you know what emotional programming is, you’re probably wondering about the origins of your own programming.
With that in mind, let’s explore how this kind of programming develops and how it can influence your emotions during the holidays.
Childhood Memories
For many, Christmas is deeply tied to childhood experiences.
Positive memories of family gatherings, gifts under the tree, or festive meals can program feelings of joy, nostalgia, and excitement.
But on the other hand, memories of stress, financial struggles, or family conflict might program feelings of anxiety, sadness, or ambivalence.
Cultural and Societal Influences
Media, advertising, and cultural narratives portray Christmas as a magical, perfect time filled with love, generosity, and happiness.
These messages can affect your programming by setting expectations for what Christmas “should” look like, creating a sense of anticipation and pressure to conform.
Religious and Spiritual Beliefs
For some, Christmas holds deep religious significance as a celebration of their faith and a time for spiritual reflection.
These beliefs can evoke emotions like reverence, gratitude, and peace.
While for others, it feels like a secular holiday, so rather than fixating on faith, they focus on things like connection and generosity, which can result in yet another form of programming.
Personal Traditions
Rituals like decorating the Christmas tree, baking cookies, or attending annual gatherings can also contribute to your programming, as these traditions often become emotional anchors, connecting you to the past and creating a sense of continuity.
Negative vs. Positive Emotional Programming
It’s also important to understand the difference between negative emotional programming and positive emotional programming and to know where you are on that spectrum.
You can start by determining whether you tend to have more positive emotional programming or more negative emotional programming.
This may sound simple, but what exactly does it mean?
Well, for many, Christmas brings joy, comfort, and a sense of belonging.
The act of giving and receiving, the beauty of decorations, and the warmth of shared meals releases dopamine and oxytocin, the so-called “feel-good” chemicals in the brain, and this kind of positive programming fosters anticipation and happiness each year.
On the other hand, if you tend to focus more on negative emotional programming, then unrealistic expectations, past traumas, or feelings of isolation can overshadow the holiday cheer, or make you want to avoid it altogether.
Here are some of the reasons why you might lean more into negative emotional programming:
- Loneliness: If you’ve lost loved ones or are estranged from your family, Christmas may amplify feelings of grief or isolation.
- Financial Stress: The pressure to buy gifts or host events can lead to anxiety and stress.
- Unrealistic Expectations: Striving for the “perfect” holiday can result in frustration and disappointment.
Reshaping Your Emotional Programming
Regardless of which kind of emotional programming you tend to embrace, the good news is that it’s not set in stone.
Whether you believe it or not, you can choose what you want to focus on and can create your life as you want it to be.
Having said that, let’s explore what you can do to reshape your emotional relationship with Christmas, or whatever you choose to celebrate over the holidays.
You can start by asking yourself some questions, like:
- What childhood memories do I choose to keep that work for me and the life I want?
- What childhood memories do I want to let go of that no longer work for me and the life I want?
- How do I allow society to influence what Christmas should be like?
- What do I hold within my heart about religious/spiritual beliefs around Christmas?
- What personal traditions do I want to have around Christmas?
Answering these kinds of questions can give you much greater context as to what kind of action you should take to change your emotional programming for the better.
And besides just asking yourself these questions, here are some other things you can try:
1) Reflect on what aspects of Christmas evoke strong emotions, regardless of whether they’re positive or negative. Understanding the source of these emotions will help you address any issues.
2) Shift your focus from perfection to authenticity, let go of societal pressures, and focus on what truly matters to you. Remember, this is your life, and you may live it however you see fit.
3) If old traditions no longer resonate, you can start new ones that are more aligned with your values and circumstances. For instance, volunteering or hosting a “Friendsmas” can change things up and bring fresh meaning to the season.
What’s more, you can decide what the perfect holiday looks like, and that means you can create decorations to suit yourself and not others, fix the type of meals you want to eat, and choose to give gifts, or not.
4) Gratitude can counterbalance any stress or negativity you’re experiencing, so you should take time to appreciate the small joys of the season, like a warm cup of cocoa or a heartfelt conversation.
As far as I’m concerned, this is one of the keys to life in general. Your attitude is everything.
5) If Christmas brings up deep sadness or anxiety, you can try reaching out to a trusted friend, counselor, or support group for relief and perspective.
All things considered, when it comes to emotional programming, the holidays can be a particularly challenging time of year
But if you take the time to understand the layers of influence that shape your feelings about the holidays, you can make conscious choices to embrace, adapt, or transform your experiences.
Whether it’s a time of celebration or quiet reflection, aligning your emotions with your values can help make the holidays a season of genuine meaning and connection.
So, what does Christmas, or your holiday of choice, mean to you?
This is a question worth revisiting each year as part of your evolving emotional journey.
And if you want to go even deeper, it’s also good to ask yourself these questions
- What does Christmas mean to me spiritually?
- How do I live within the frequencies of that meaning?
- What changes can I make in my life to embody those frequencies?
I know this seems pretty esoteric, but regardless of what answers you come up with, I’m sure they’ll hold meaning for you.
Creating a More Spiritual Christmas
For many of us, the negative emotional programming around the holidays comes as a result of our distaste for consumerism.
But this time of year doesn’t have to be about giving gifts, and you can live a more spiritual Christmas by shifting your focus from material and external celebrations to the deeper, more meaningful aspects of the season.
This time of year can just as easily be about nurturing your soul, connecting with others in a heartfelt way, and aligning your actions with your spiritual values.
With that in mind, here’s what you can do to stop focusing on the material aspects of Christmas and start focusing on the more meaningful and spiritual aspects of the season.
Reflect on the Meaning of Christmas
Take time to contemplate what Christmas means to you personally.
Whether it represents faith, gratitude, or love, you should try to connect with the essence of the holiday in a way that resonates with your heart.
Writing out your thoughts, prayers, or intentions for the season can help clarify your spiritual desires and deepen your understanding of their significance.
Prioritize Connection Over Consumption
Focus on spending meaningful moments with loved ones by sharing heartfelt conversations, stories, and memories that strengthen your bonds.
You can also simplify your approach to gift-giving by choosing thoughtful, symbolic, or handmade presents rather than expensive or extravagant ones, which emphasizes the value of connection over materialism.
Embrace Gratitude and Generosity
Reflect on your blessings through prayer, meditation, or journaling, and take time to recognize the abundance in your life.
Acts of kindness and service, such as volunteering or helping someone in need, are another thing to consider, as they allow you to embody the spirit of the season and experience a profound sense of purpose.
Cultivate Inner Peace
Center yourself amidst the holiday rush by incorporating spiritual practices like daily meditation, prayer, or quiet reflection.
Be mindful and present in each moment, savoring the simple joys of the season, like the glow of Christmas lights, the scent of pine, or the laughter of loved ones.
Deepen Your Faith
Participate in spiritual gatherings or rituals, like church services or candlelight ceremonies, to feel more connected to the community that surrounds your faith.
What’s more, reading sacred texts or spiritual stories around this time of year can offer valuable teachings and help you reflect on their relevance in your life.
Create Meaningful Traditions
Introduce symbolic rituals into your celebrations, like lighting candles for hope, peace, love, and joy, or setting aside time to sing carols, read spiritual stories, or pray with your family.
It’s also good to make a point of spending time in nature to appreciate its beauty and find inspiration in its quiet majesty.
Focus on Love and Forgiveness
You can also use the holiday season as an opportunity to heal strained relationships by extending heartfelt messages or gestures of reconciliation.
Making a conscious effort to show kindness and patience, even in challenging situations, acts as an expression of your spiritual growth, and paying it forward to those in need can further demonstrate the love and forgiveness at the heart of Christmas.
Keep the Spirit Alive Beyond Christmas
Another thing you can do is carry the lessons of the season into your daily life through acts of kindness, generosity, and mindfulness throughout the entire year.
And you can continue cultivating your spiritual practices to ensure that the peace and joy of the season remain with you long after the holidays have passed.
At any rate, living a spiritual Christmas means embodying the values of love, kindness, and hope.
It’s about creating a holiday season that resonates deeply with your soul, offering not just fleeting joy but a lasting sense of peace and fulfillment.
And no matter what kind of emotional programming you’re dealing with, or what Christmas means to you, know that I love you and have confidence you’ll be able to create the life you desire.
I would love to be part of that, so if you need some help, please reach out and book an appointment!
Love to all,
Rose Marie Swanson
